In High School, I was unbearably quiet. I remember this one instance, where a girl in my Earth Science class asked me what the time was. I checked my phone, and I said it aloud. “ten thirty three,” uttered from my lips. But, I had said it so faintly, that she didn’t hear me. We sat there in awkward silence for a straight minute, Staring into each other’s eyes. She ended up leaving and going to her friend, mumbling something that I never heard. It was probably: “is Stan mute?”
//
“I think this is the first time I’ve eaten a salad since 8th grade”
“I think I’m more surprised that you even ate one back then.”
//
just a kid from the middle of nowhere who likes music a little too much, and makes videos under the guise of regularisperfect.
//
Things I mostly spent my money on from ages 18-22:
-Paint
-Printer paper
-Oil pastels
-Weed
-Edibles
-Various drugs
-Rent money (for other people)
-35mm film development
-Road trips with my hometown friends
-Energy drinks
-Canned vienna sausages
-Ramen
-Pop Tarts (I typically rotate from S’mores, to Cookies & Cream, and then to Strawberry Milkshake)
-Bob marley papers
-Packs of cigarettes (for other people)
-Clothes on Grailed (very pointless, most of them I don’t wear)
-Clothes from Yahtzee (my favorite designer)
-Clothes from Paynestar (I have a lot of jeans from him, and he made my favorite hoodie I have, a grey cropped hoodie with a series of phrases assorted all over the back, and it has zips that you can take off to make it sleeveless)
-Polaroid film
-Fresh market sandwiches when visiting Gavin
-Car insurance
-Snacks from 7/11 (far too many to count, most bought with dear friend Malachi Keaton)
-Gum/mints (can’t walk out the house with breath smelling like doo doo)
-Movie rentals
-Hard drives for archival purposes
-Books for research and collage purposes
-Adobe subscriptions
-DaVinci
-Streaming subscriptions
-Amusement park tickets
-Tattoo’s
-Matcha’s
-Blue Buzzballs
-Colored Post-its
-Acrylic paint markers
-A lot of hungover morning breakfasts
-Lots of late night Diner dinners with friends
-Lots of curly hair conditioners and oils
-Lots of DVDs and Vinyls for decorative purposes & childhood satisfaction
-.+..lots of things I never needed, that are just sitting, and collecting dust–added baggage that is only there to weigh one down.
//
My depression
Never seems to cease
Fully.
It comes in waves,
It fluctuates.
It being clinical isn’t
Very fun,
It’s quite a chore,
And middling,
I wish it wasn’t present,
I wish I had a normal brain,
I wish my serotonin receptors
Were that of a
Regular human being,
A normal person.
//
Notes to self while out and about in the real world:
-Stop being so anxious
-Dance a little bit, as if you were a child again (one is never too old to dance)
-Go up and talk to someone, because why not?
//
“I think this is the first time I’ve eaten a salad since 8th grade”
“I think I’m more surprised that you even ate one back then.”
//
just a kid from the middle of nowhere who likes music a little too much, and makes videos under the guise of regularisperfect.
//
Things I mostly spent my money on from ages 18-22:
-Paint
-Printer paper
-Oil pastels
-Weed
-Edibles
-Various drugs
-Rent money (for other people)
-35mm film development
-Road trips with my hometown friends
-Energy drinks
-Canned vienna sausages
-Ramen
-Pop Tarts (I typically rotate from S’mores, to Cookies & Cream, and then to Strawberry Milkshake)
-Bob marley papers
-Packs of cigarettes (for other people)
-Clothes on Grailed (very pointless, most of them I don’t wear)
-Clothes from Yahtzee (my favorite designer)
-Clothes from Paynestar (I have a lot of jeans from him, and he made my favorite hoodie I have, a grey cropped hoodie with a series of phrases assorted all over the back, and it has zips that you can take off to make it sleeveless)
-Polaroid film
-Fresh market sandwiches when visiting Gavin
-Car insurance
-Snacks from 7/11 (far too many to count, most bought with dear friend Malachi Keaton)
-Gum/mints (can’t walk out the house with breath smelling like doo doo)
-Movie rentals
-Hard drives for archival purposes
-Books for research and collage purposes
-Adobe subscriptions
-DaVinci
-Streaming subscriptions
-Amusement park tickets
-Tattoo’s
-Matcha’s
-Blue Buzzballs
-Colored Post-its
-Acrylic paint markers
-A lot of hungover morning breakfasts
-Lots of late night Diner dinners with friends
-Lots of curly hair conditioners and oils
-Lots of DVDs and Vinyls for decorative purposes & childhood satisfaction
-.+..lots of things I never needed, that are just sitting, and collecting dust–added baggage that is only there to weigh one down.
//
My depression
Never seems to cease
Fully.
It comes in waves,
It fluctuates.
It being clinical isn’t
Very fun,
It’s quite a chore,
And middling,
I wish it wasn’t present,
I wish I had a normal brain,
I wish my serotonin receptors
Were that of a
Regular human being,
A normal person.
//
Notes to self while out and about in the real world:
-Stop being so anxious
-Dance a little bit, as if you were a child again (one is never too old to dance)
-Go up and talk to someone, because why not?