Winter never seems to
Hit the right tempo;
It always leaves one
Cold at night…
Longing for the warmth of another,
To be held gunpoint by another’s eyes,
Have them rub both of your eyebrows,
As if they’re tucking in their nephew goodnight,
Still thinking of the recollection of
Clinging at another’s body,
As if one was grasping at straws…
Because isn’t that what it’s all about?
This silly little thing called life?
This wheel,
That is never-ending,
And continues to spiral on down,
Making us oftentimes
Feel like mere
Hamsters,
And if we were,
Would that really be so bad?
//
Hey,
I’m sorry,
But I’d prefer if we don’t do
Anything right now.
I’d like to just hug,
To be able to feel your head rest on my shoulder,
And to be able to be aware
That another soul is listening to my heart beat,
Taking into account each and every movement,
Teleporting in and out of thought loops,
Just as I do on a regular basis.
I’d like to feel safe and warm
On this cold winter night,
And to hell if that sounds incredibly
Cringe,
Or like indie movie
Fantasy drivel,
But it’s how one feels,
When I think about you.
Been depressed
For a long time;
Since about age 5
To be exact,
I remember telling my Mom
This,
Voicing concern after
The diagnosis,
As well as the
Autism diagnosis that her and
Nana decided to
Sweep under the rug,
So I wouldn’t be looked at with
Another stigma,
After all,
An additional one would be bad,
Especially since I already looked like that,
Talked like that,
And was such a mixed bag that
No one knew what I was
Or if my Mom
Was really my Mom.
That especially was
White mom’s favorite things to
Ask Doreen,
“Is he really yours,
Or did you adopt it? Oh my god!
It’s so cute!”
“It,”
That’s all things are to most
Individuals;
Human relationships that should be regarded as
Meaningful bonds, are instead looked at as
Mere
Connections…
What is this business,
What is this scene,
None of it is for me,
I don’t believe
This world is.
